I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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