I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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