So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize