He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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