maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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