low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
