Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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