what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
