brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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