nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
