Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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