I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
