i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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