I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
