how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
