You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
