lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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