Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
