I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
