And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
