It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize