before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
