i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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