Taylor Swift is so right about you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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