That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
