based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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