Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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