I'm going to jail i love you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
