listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize