Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
