i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
