I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
