Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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