where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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