I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
