Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
