Swine flu. Run for my life!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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