i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
