Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
