singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
