Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
