he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
