Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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