Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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