Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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