Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They are going to name an STD after you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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