This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
