whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
