Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
