This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
