you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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