This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
