Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
