I need help removing her.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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