Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
