I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you win again, gameday.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
