she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
