my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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