So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
