I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
