so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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