did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
