i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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