I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
