Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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