I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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