I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
