Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
