took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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