I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
