The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
