just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
