Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize