New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize