Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize