guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need to calm my uterus...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
