im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
