i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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