Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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