I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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